


To sleep, perchance to dream.

by Rroselavy



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-01
Updated: 2010-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-10 08:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/97687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rroselavy/pseuds/Rroselavy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Goku doesn't know what it's like to dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To sleep, perchance to dream.

Goku wonders what it is like to dream. He often hears Gojyo relating lurid descriptions of his dreams over the dinner table-and Sanzo inevitably thwaps the half-breed with his harisen when he believes the details Gojyo reveals have become too graphic. But Goku isn't really interested in the content of Gojyo's dreams. Sex, of course, interests him, but not the sex that the kappa has or dreams about. Goku is far more interested in the sex that he's not having, but wants to have with a certain blond monk.

Goku is fascinated by the idea of dreaming. When he falls asleep his world turns completely to pitch until his eyes blink open in the morning. He can't remember ever having a dream and assumes that the loss of that unconscious activity is somehow related to his lack of memories. Perhaps when his punishment was meted out, he'd lost the ability to dream as well as remember his past.

When Hakkai talks about dreams, he is invariably talking about the future. Goku knows that the tall brunet dreams of settling down to a modest house with a picket fence and an herb garden, perhaps teaching at a local university, once they have completed their mission. Goku never thinks about the future, well, that is, he never thinks further into it than when his next meal might occur. Goku understands that his future is already decided; he will always live with Sanzo.

Sanzo never talks about either kind of dream, and Goku wonders if, like him, he doesn't have any. Though, Sanzo never talks about much, so if he does have dreams, he's keeping them close to his heart, Goku decides.

At night, Goku sometimes lies awake for hours trying to imagine the dreams that his companions are having. Sometimes he hears Hakkai moan softly, and then, even softer, cry in his sleep. On the mornings after those dreams, Hakkai has deep rings around his eyes, and Goku counts himself lucky that he doesn't dream.

But still, at times it gnaws at Goku that the narrow focus of his existence is on the here and now. He'd like to have grand schemes to ponder, like to be able to recall fond memories of his childhood. When he feels like that, the idea of sleep is oppressive and depressing; and instead of tossing and turning, he slips out of the room, often to alone in for hours in the dark in the empty dining room of whatever inn they've been put up in for the evening.

"What are you doing, monkey?" Sanzo's voice startles him, and Goku realizes he must have dozed off.

"Couldn't sleep," he mumbles.

"Oh, what's keeping the few brain cells knocking around in that head of yours fired up?" Sanzo asks, sitting opposite Goku, and lighting a cigarette.

"What's it like to dream?"

Illuminated in the red light of the tip, Goku sees that Sanzo is staring intently at him. The monk takes a few leisurely puffs before answering.

"Dreaming is overrated," he finally replies. Goku sighs and looks away, his shoulders drooping slightly. "It's better to live in the moment and enjoy the life you have, than live with the regrets of you past, or yearn for the future," Sanzo adds, flicking his ash into the nearby tray. Goku turns the monk's statement over and over in his mind and tries hard to believe those words.


End file.
